by SHIREEN MANOCHA
On the prompt- “Three things he could never tell her…”
There were always so many stories he wanted to tell her, so much he wanted to confide in her. He wanted to sit her down and speak to her for hours and hours on end, but it was never the right time, or occasion.
Sometimes, he wanted to sit with her by the sea and stare at the horizon, saying nothing. On other times, he wanted to take her to his favourite restaurant, sit across her and tell her all of that he was unable to utter.
He particularly wanted her to know 3 things, 3 things that knocked at his mind every morning and did not let him sleep each night.
1. He first fell in love with the idea of her.
He wanted to admit to her that the idea of her was one that of a sunset with many hues, of unparalleled beauty and of unrequited, unadulterated emotion. He fell in love with the idea of him and her sitting together weaving their stories together in words and he couldn’t wait to meet her, to see her, to fall in love with her….
2. He was scared.
There was no way he would ever be able to tell her how scared he was, because he was, after all, young and reckless and had, like many others, succumbed to the very pressures of the society he often condemned in his articles. He was worried, he was scared, he was confused and so he ran. Only to come back later with realisation.
3. He truly loved her mother.
Finally, he wanted to tell her the truth, but he knew the words that would escape his mouth would never sound like honesty. He wanted her to know that he was scared but there was not one dream where he did not see her mother dressed up in that beautiful red dress he last saw her in, coming to kiss him, hold him, tell him she loved him…
He wanted to say sorry for fear hounded him much later when both him and her mother had fallen in love with the idea of the little girl who was soon to come into existence, young and reckless, but when the time came nearer and realisation hounded, he had the option to escape, she did not.